E-Readers versus Paper Books (guest post by Joel Keefer)

E-Readers vs. Paper Books

            Since the invention of the printing press in 1450, paper has established dominance over the written word. Anything worth remembering was typed or scrawled across dead tree matter. Then, the internet. The technology boom of the twenty-first century. Handheld e-readers are now all the rage. Why kill trees? Use Earth’s stronger, long-lasting materials instead. Of course, there are those who still cling to the old ways, destroying forests with their intellect and thirst for knowledge. I imagine when it comes down to it, there are two types of people: The E-Readers and the Tree-Readers.

            The E-Readers love information. They thrive on it. Nothing excites an E-Reader quite so much as a click of a button revealing the dictionary definition of some obscure three-syllable word previously unknown to all but the scribes of old. They can carry within their e-readers the weight of hundreds of books, yet hold a meek slab of metal and glass weighing ounces. The      E-Readers love to walk into a Starbucks and log on to the complimentary wifi on their Apple product and peruse the internet for vintage-style clothing before settling down to read little-known literary masterpieces such as The Great Gatsby, Anthem, or The New York Times. The E-Readers have the power to highlight, add notes, and underline in their books without lifting a single writing utensil to sully the book itself. How marvelous!

            Then, on the other hand, we have the Tree-Readers. These crude beasts lounge in ignorant bliss, unaware of their true despondency. They are unable to accept change and cling to their tree-flesh like a babe to its mother. They claim to love their books so much that they insist upon dirtying the pages with pieces of themselves. They leave coffee stains on page 43, so that there is a perpetual comforting stink of a steaming mug on a rainy day lingering behind the warm smell of the book itself. The Tree-Readers also break the spines of their ungrateful dead trees, and with them the hopes of all those suffering from OCD. They think themselves superior and leave in the margins messages for those who come after: trivial comments about an obscure motif, the author’s style, or “hahaha love the humor!” or a snarky quip at a minor character, or a tear stain. The Tree-Readers earmark pages and clutter the lines of Kant and Hemingway with their own personal insights. They underline those words they do not know, such as “superciliousness,” but are too sloth to search for in that larger, eponymous pile of dead tree droppings. Why struggle with Webster when you can have the whole of the internet at your fingertips? How absurd!

            The E-Readers value such things as cleanliness and facts. They obsessively wipe the grimy finger-paint of life left over on their screens to better see the pure white pages glinting at them behind the glass enclosure. They google “theme of lord of the flies” just to be sure they read Golding well enough. The E-Readers adore the sheen of the screen, the unflinching facts wikipedia provides them on the author’s illicit affairs, the clean feeling of reaching 100% completion of their intangible book. They adore when a passerby comments on the fabulous technology enveloped in their e-reader. They cringe monthly when a new and improved specimen is released, sending their beloved model of e-reader into the abyss of antiquity. How upsetting.

            The Tree-Readers value different things. They value the glimmers of inspiration found in the phrases, the raw emotions leaking from the print, the warm grainy feel of a page turned. They don’t mind so much when someone comments on the state of disrepair their book lies in; instead they laugh and say blabber something about “well-loved” before returning to the seas of imagination they were sailing moments before. The Tree-Readers value insight and ask others what they thought of that part when the main guy said that one thing but they really meant the other and you know? They discuss and discourse and understand their book in some misshapen form, rather than a straight line with SparkNotes attached at the end. How illogical!

            The Tree-Readers and the E-Readers balance each other. The Tree-Readers are an endangered species, loping about, unaware that they are in danger. The E-Readers come to the rescue with shiny new things, lab-proven proven to help the situation. The two meet, attempt to change the other, and then part ways, sure that their opposite will adjust their ways so as to adapt to the future. They both earn their merits and are awarded their medals for valour extraordinaire.

Between the two groups, however, there is no reconciliation. They silently grapple in a battle of the mind, each intent upon victory, neither sure what victory entails.

            With the world becoming so confrontational, I have decided to carry with me at all times both an e-reader and a paper book in order to eschew obfuscation as to my stance on the aforementioned issue. How clever!