My Unhealthy Relationship

I wrote the following editorial for a project for my AP Language and Composition class last year.  I imitated the style of Nora Ephron by using sarcasm and humor.

My Unhealthy Relationship

By: Laura Fend

I met him while stumbling around on the Internet.  I was bored and lonely; I was just looking for a fling.  He asked me for my name, email, and a small picture.  I obliged.  He wanted to know what I was interested in, what movies I liked, what bands I listened to, what books I read… It all seemed innocent enough.  And so things progressed.

Our relationship was easy and fun.  Sometimes he wanted me to share pictures of friends, family, places, and myself.  I obliged.  If I was going somewhere interesting, or doing something fun, he wanted me to share about it.  It all seemed innocent enough. 

We were far enough into our relationship that my family wanted to get to know him.  After introducing all of them to my newest love, they were soon hooked.  They simply could not get enough of him.  He was alluring, fascinating, ever-changing, always bursting with new and valuable gossip about all the people in my life.  Even more, he made me feel valued and appreciated.  Whenever I shared details of my life with him, however extraneous, he always let me know just how much he “liked” it.  He made me feel special and important.

Things began to change.  I just could not take my mind off him.  When I wasn’t with him, all I ever thought about was the next time I would get to see him.  I was obsessed.  I found myself bringing him up in every conversation I had.  I was addicted to him. I was staying home just to spend more time with him, instead of going out with friends.  My grades began to slip as I repeatedly put homework aside to focus on him.  I needed him.  He even began to invade my subconscious world and creep into my dreams at night.  I simply couldn’t even begin to imagine life without him.

Things between us began to change.  He was always checking up on me- watching who I was friends with, who I talked to, who I looked at… and then things got worse.  He started to watch every move I made- my comments to others, new acquaintances…. And shared these personal details with everyone.  My life was no longer private.  He wanted me to share every s move I made, let him know everywhere I went, and always let him know who I was with.  I knew things weren’t right anymore, but I just couldn’t tear myself away from his charm and allure.  I was in too deep, and completely powerless.

My relationship with Facebook just wasn’t healthy.  I’m trying my best to move on, but I just keep coming back to him. I need to break up with Facebook.  For good.  I’ve started seeing a new guy now.  His name is Twitter.  He’s young, fresh, and most of all, he respects me, and my privacy.  So far.  We’ll see how this goes.